Depression. Finding Yourself. Self-Love: How we met?

How long has it been since I last updated my blog? 3 years? 4 years? I'm a procrastinator, at least in my personal life.

I couldn't find the motivation to write or I shall say type. I always look for reasons that I'm so busy with work and yes, it was hectic but I'm no longer anymore. All these aside, I will start blogging more - probably use this as my personal diary and look back how much I've grown and how dumb I was.

Something happened in my life that made me wanted to blog again. Something that made me look back and think.

How I met him on Tinder?

I met this guy on Tinder and it was great. He's my boyfriend and probably it will be was my boyfriend in a couple of days. I don't know what the outcome will be and I'm afraid.

How I met him? Or should I say why I was on Tinder the first place? I broke up with my ex 1.5 years ago - 6 years relationship. I was the one who initiated it and it was tough. I know I couldn't find someone that treated me this well and I wished him all the best. We fought a lot but we care about each other so much and he is such a kind person to everyone. So much so that it was the reason I broke up with him. There was a story behind it but I would rather keep it in my heart.

So I broke up. I have no one to talk to and I'm not the person that tell my friends everything. Weird right? That's what friends for, no? But my best friend was my ex and he still loves me (at that point), it was unfair that I text him and give him hope. So, I went on Tinder. I've downloaded Tinder before when I was with my ex just out of curiosity but it required me to sign up using my Facebook, so I just deleted it. So yes, I need someone to talk to after the breakup, so I downloaded Tinder again. I wasn't expecting anything and merely want someone to talk with.

I've matched with a couple of guys but only had conversations with 2 of them. Then just left 1 of them and I continued to swipe. And I saw this profile - a guy with curly hair, quite young-looking, looked shy and he was working in the same industry as me. Swiped right. Texted him first. I didn't know what was going in my head cause I would never initiate a conversation before. I think I was bored. Mind you. I didn't start with a "Hi", I was creative and he replied. The conversation just went on. I didn't give him my phone number cause I was very skeptical about the whole Tinder thing. And yes, I was still texting with the other guy - not as passionate and wanted the conversation to die out.

The Tinder Date

So he asked me out — both of them. I told one of them I wasn't free and never replied again. I think it's obvious who I prefer more. But I still didn't give the other guy my phone number. Being skeptical yet again or it was just a thing between us. I was trying to tease him. I finally gave in days before the date.

We had brunch. It was awkward but it was fun. We went to a movie - Wonder Woman. He had this cologne on him and the smell was so comforting to me. We were very close and I would smile at him when he looked at me and my heart would skip a beat, probably two. I felt something - is it love or infatuation? I didn't know but I didn't feel this for a long time and it felt nice. It was a long date and we had dinner. Everything was great until I ended the night with an awkward hug in the tiny-spaced car. We even laughed about it after we went home and texted with each other.

It was a great night.

Please wait and continue to read for the next parts.